CareSquare musings for families and caregivers

Tips for Nannies: Building and Maintaining a Strong Relationship with your Parent Employer

 Building and maintaining a healthy caregiver parent relationship can be tricky sometimes. There are bound to be ups and downs regardless of how well you get a long most of the time… it is just the reality of on-going relationships. Here are some hints to keep in mind as you partner with the parents in caring for their children. 

· Show them you find delight in their child and that even in difficult times you love them. Have little stories, not just problems to share every day.

· Always greet the parent upon arrival and departure. This can be with words or gestures. Ignore moodiness or strange moods and continue to and stay cheerful, it will help a parent returning home after a long day at work. make the transition into family life better.  Don’t take on their mood or take responsibility for their mood.

· Know the limits of your expertise and pass the questions to a professional. Try to avoid helping a parent get more worked up about a potential problem than they need to be.

· Find out things about their family, work, interests and use this to tailor your conversations. Show them you know them and their child. When someone feels like you know them or their child they feel more apt to listen to you or solve issues as partners in caregiving to their child.

· Allow parents to be experts about their child even if you feel strongly about something. Always remember they are the parent, even if you spend more waking hours with a child.

· Remember that although you may very well become good friends, the parent is also your employer so act accordingly.

· Limit your judgments. Even if caught off guard or surprised by a concern or complaint treat it as important.  Clarify what you think you hear in their concern so you are sure you understand and can respond appropriately.

· Mirror their concern, delight about stories they tell (without adding to drama). Thank parents for letting you know concerns and telling them you appreciate it when they address issue directly with you allow us to help them understand or move forward. Always let them know how much you appreciate their compliments, gifts or niceties. You are apt to get more kudos and be better appreciated when you do.

· Use their parenting philosophy and family culture to guide your suggestions or guidance.  Being unnecessarily adversarial won’t help any philosophical differences that may come up. If you do have difference use theory and research as back up not personal opinions.

· Say “let me think about it” to give you more time to be thoughtful before responding to any issue.

· Imagine yourself as a parent, wanting the best for your child. Always know that every parent regardless of behavior, deep down wants to be the best parent they can be and than we all have obstacles ( be it work or personal stress) that prevent this at times in our lives.

How to Hire a Nanny

I'm starting to interview potential nannies for my 12 week old
daughter. I've never done this before and would appreciate any advice
on good questions to ask, checks to run, certifications to have, etc.
I have a feeling the final decision will be heavily weighted on gut
instict, but want to make sure I have my bases covered.

You'll get lots of comments about the standard questions, but I'll
pass along one tip that I received that really helped me weed out
nannies that were not in it for love, but in it for money.

A friend told me she always asked her candidates to hold her child,
making it very casual - "I'm expecting this call - can you hold
Kate? and seeing how comfortable they were taking the baby and how
they interacted with the baby. I borrowed this tip, and for me, the
best candidates asked to hold my baby before I had a chance to ask
them. But I was very surprised at how many "nannies" were
uncomfortable to hold my child. On the other hand, it was clear that
some just loved babies, and couldn't be happier than to have one in
her arms.

I also asked the best candidates to change a diaper. Once again, it
was very surprising to me how illuminating this was. I only asked
nannies who seemed strong to do this, but in asking, it became clear
that some were not really comfortable with newborns, while others
really clicked.

Lastly, pay attention to that gut! Every mom I know that ended up
disappointed in their nanny had a gut feeling they ignored.

Our nanny does the pick-up and drop-off

OK, so our nanny is not officially responsible for light housekeeping work. However, what she doesn't deliver on in terms of folding laundry she MORE than makes up for in the pick-ups and drop-offs she does almost every day. She starts work with Gideon at around 8am, and the difference between having to drop him off somewhere versus her picking him up makes an extraordinary difference in our morning. Same thing in the afternoon. Though I must admit, I often go and pick him up early just to spend a little extra time with. After about 6 hours or so of separation from him, my skin starts feeling bad on my body. I just need to touch him. Sigh.

Nannies and light housekeeping work

I realize that most parents have some level of expectation that their nanny does light housework. We never realized this when hiring our nanny with our first son and those expectations were therefore never set. It's kinda late to ask for it now, and frankly, I feel like our nanny should focus on the kids rather than the dishes. I mean, we expect she cleans up what she uses, but folding laundry seems beyond the scope of her job description. During naptime she often reads or talks to friends. I am really OK with this, because the rest of the time she is working hard managing our young kids. When I am parenting, I take lots of reading and talking breaks all the time. Seems reasonable that she gets the same.